its been a few days since my last post. It seems that life got very hectic for a few days (and maybe hasn't slowed down much yet.) Overall, my days have been good, Saturday bordering on "Great." That said, there has been some well justified sadness in my heart. But I think I have dealt with that sadness in a reasonable and, dare I say it, normal way. I feel sad for my son.
For those of you that have been reading this blog for a while, you know that my son is mentally ill. His diagnoses are schizo affective disorder and Asberger's Syndrome. He's 13, nearly 14. He hasn't been doing well in school since our move to Arkansas. A public school setting with "peers" of his same chronological age is extremely difficult for him. He functions, on an emotional basis, at about level of a 6 or 7 year old. Being thrown in with kids that are 13 and 14 makes him an easy target for bullies. Mic has been hospitalized several times for his illnesses over the last 8 years, and he spent 15 months in residential treatment. Most of the rest of the time he has been in a therapeutic day treatment program (like school, only designed to fit his needs and accommodate his outbursts.)
Mic was hospitalized on Thursday after trying to hurt himself. He talks all the time about wanting to die and killing himself. We are also in the process of having him placed for another residential treatment stay. He is big, emotionally very volatile, violent, destructive, and generally out of emotional control. His public school setting is driving much of this latest degradation. So, that;s all been dramatic. And very sad. I feel this overwhelming sadness for him, that his life is what it is, and that there is no "fix" for him. All he wants is to be normal and to have friends (like his younger sister.)
These stresses (both Mic and my mental health) are weighing heavily on Melissa's emotional state. Thank goodness for the family "rock." I've said it before, and I'll say it many times again, I don't know where she gets her resilience and courage in the face of adversity, but its there and she's kept us together for a long time. If you are reading this, Melissa, I love you.
I'll keep you posted. I see my PDoc tomorrow. I will be interested to see what she makes of the few but severe depressive days I've had since I saw her six weeks ago.
