I found the following passage in a book that I'm reading. The statement came from a character in the book suffering from old age and dementia, but it fits pretty well with some situations following ECT:
"Sometimes I stand on the edge of a memory and look in. I see nothing clearly. It’s like water in a pool after a rock is thrown in. Then, if I look long enough, the water gets smoother and smoother and the ripples vanish and I can see again." ~ T. Jefferson Parker: “Cold Pursuit”
Sometimes, however, with some memories, I could stand and look at the water forever and the ripples would never clear. Then there are the memories simply not subject to spontaneous recall. Those that simply don't exist until someone prompts them.
Anyway...today has been a good day. A couple of times I've felt the pull of depression and thoughts about suicide creeping into my head, but I've been able to push them aside and move along.
