Micro-managed Mood

I decided to publish Grandma's latest comment, despite it being rudely made, ridiculing of me and my last post, and even less friendly than her usual approach (I can't IMAGINE why your neighbors hate you (if in fact they do...) Her point, when you get past the ridicule and meanness, is well taken. I have fallen into the habit (recently or over a long time, I don't know) of micro-managing my mood, of being too aware of how I'm feeling right now and focusing on the minute swings, of losing the scope of the bigger picture, of taking my "emotional temperature" too often. Once I got finished being pissed off about Grandma's comment, I realized all of this.

So, yesterday, I got out of bed and declared that I'm no longer having "bad days". Yeah, some will be worse than others, and parts of some of them will be worse than other parts. But I'm done taking my temperature too often. I am going to put forth extra effort in what my therapist (I've seen him once, but I like him) refers to as the "spin" I put on things. He suggested that I really focus on living today, not worrying about what I dread about tomorrow until tomorrow gets here, and focus on doing whatever it is I'm doing at the moment and doing so in a positive light. "What good comes from what I'm doing right now?" "What do I have to look forward to today?"

I need more to do. I've tried to come up with an organization for which to volunteer, one about which I really care. But so far nothing has come to me. I suggested a couple and Melissa shot them down, pointing out that they would require a bit of training and that that training might not work for me right now. I'm still considering contacting the District Attorney's Office or the Public Defender's Office and seeing if I can do some office work for one of them. I can handle the training, if any and the justice system, which in my opinion is in need of some serious help, is something I could throw myself into. Short of something like that, I'm considering planting a garden in my bigger than necessary backyard of weeds. We don't really have a "lawn" in the backyard. The front is a nice Bermuda grass lawn (which is, with some professional help, becoming weed free.) In the back, we have an "Arkansas lawn." Its green and, from a distance, looks nice. But up close you can see that its really just mowed weeds. Some of that weed area could easily be converted to a raised garden or flower bed, which would give me plenty of hours of work to do and some outside time (good for the mood.) I'll come up with something.